Dogs vs. Cats

Just went for a walk at Frank Lisk Park this morning and ran across 4-5 proud dog owners.

One ladie had a Lassie look-alike, but could not seem to figure out how to use her roller leash to reign in her too friendly dog. I waited for them to pass before I even began my walk, but it wasn't enough. She had to stop midway, turnaround and head back in my beginning direction as she was trying to figure out how the complex intricacies of some new leash worked. Lassie barked at me too.

Another owner went one way with an obviously hyper-active mutt of some sort, and I went the other way only to find that he changed his mind and headed back my way. As I could have predicted from past dog interactions, the dog growled at me and moved to attack me. The owner laughed cheerfully as I rolled my eyes. DIE DOG, DIEEEE.

Another owner had not just one, but two identical black dogs taking up the whole human walkway. As I moved onto the lawn and averted my eyes, I could see that I offended the owner's finer sensibilities as he allowed his dogs to not only take over his life but my park as well.

I am a self-appointed dog leash enforcer at my neighborhood park. I don't care how adorable and friendly you think your dog is, put that damn dog on a leash okay? It's the law. I hate dogs, and they equally hate me. They are dumb as bricks and are only loyal to their stomachs. I guess they appeal to humans on some base level, but they're not bonding with you, you are their meal tickets.

Cats are another story. I can't have one because of my allergies, but have had friends that have owned several. They are consistenly amazed at how cats respond to me upon first meeting. Some of their shyer cats who were abused by previous owners will rub against my leg and the more aggressive cats will avoid me and not even attempt to scratch me as they have done with other visitors.

What I really like about cats is that they think they are human. They absorb the human behaviors that they see, and they evolve into humans. I predict that in the next 2,000 years, we will see cats walking upright, telling humans what to do.

One cat named Hershey was the most evil cat, and I loved him! His owners were making him relocate to a new home and he did not like it one bit. He cried like a baby and marked his territory by peeing in every corner of the house after it had been cleaned thoroughly. When his vet suggested to the owners that they get another cat to stop his disobedient behavior, he taught the little kittens how to drink out of the toilet water, use the electric toothbrush, and jump on the alarm clock in the morning to shut it off.

Cats are fascinating and you can see them thinking. Dogs are instinctual and too unpredictable for my tastes.

One time my mother was walking in a park, and this starving, homeless kitten meowed and followed her home. He would not leave her alone because that cat knew she had good food at home. He just knew. We had to put him in the garage because of my allergies, and he cried and cried until I picked him up. Then he just shut-up. A local animal shelter had to take him in, but the cat knew we would take care of him. He wasn't trying to be likable, he was trying to survive.

The Eygptians were right, the cats are the portal to the underworld, they sense things that no one else can see or hear.

They also leave you the hell alone in a park unless absolutely necessary. If you don't agree with me, chew on this thought for a moment: Why is there no law to put cats on a leash?